Dearest Everyone-
This is my journal entry for September 11, 2001. I wanted to share it with you, because I was in New York; because it was the heaviest thing I have ever experienced ~

We got into New York via private jet at 2 o’clock this morning, coming into New York from Toronto, Canada. I have been listening to Shawn Colvin’s song, Another Plane Went Down, from her new album, A Whole New You, all the way here while trying to compose a letter to Gladys Knight about Aaliyah, her niece; about my dream. Airports, planes everywhere, music, music, tears in my eyes, Sulamith (my yorkie) was upset all the way from Canada, psychic, dreamlike, flying, flying, flying.

And now, it has happened. Two planes dove into the World Trade Center Towers ~
4 hijackings in 3 hours. The Trade Center is gone, thousands of people are dead. The Pentagon was attacked kamikaze style, and one plane they are pretty sure, was on its way to the White House.

Everyone is pretty sure it was Osama Bin Laden, the evil high tech murderer hiding in Afghanistan…

People are walking across the Brooklyn Bridge trying to get home. I am here at the world famous Waldorf=Astoria, the hotel where the presidents stay ~

I will write as the day unfolds~

I am pretty sure Radio City will cancel; I think their offices were in the Towers…I am so sad for them…

Aircraft warships are on their way to us here in New York and to Washington… I don’t really know what we are going to do now – the airports are completely shut down-

8:42 a.m. First Tower
9:04 a.m. 2nd Tower
9:40 a.m. Pentagon
9:59 a.m. South Tower falls
10:28 a.m. North Tower falls
             (people jump)
11:29 a.m. United flt 99 crashes in rural Pennsylvania
5:20 p.m. #7 Tower collapses

Sept. 12, 2001 4:42 a.m. in the morning

We are a devastated city
I feel I am a part of this city.
We are a strong, brilliant city
We are watching a piece of history
We are living through a tragedy
Like no one – has ever seen…

The fire chief of New York is dead
His assistant fire chief is dead.
One of my champions from Warner Brothers wife is gone. She was coming home from Boston after settling their twin daughters at a University. Their grandmother was with their Mom.

M.H. called from Toronto. He is there with the Backstreet Boys. One of their carpenters went home because his wife was having a baby. He was on one of those planes.

We are a grieving city
A surreal city ~
It is 5:09 a.m. in the morning
We are still a dark city –
But soon it will be dawn – and the dreamlike reality of yesterday will turn into the true reality of what has really happened.

I have seen grown men cry today. They seem to be having the most trouble with this. They are the protectors –
And they feel so helpless ~
They can’t stand it.

It seems that, as Don Henley so brilliantly said ~
“This is the end- of the innocence.”

5:15 a.m.

I sit here at 5:15 in the morning – in shock. The tears just don’t stop. As a writer, I am driven to write what it has been like to be 20 minutes away from the Twin Towers ~

To be here at the world famous, Waldorf-Astoria Hotel, home of foreign diplomats and gathering place of politicians, in a suite where I am quite sure Heads of State have met, and discussed the problems of the world. The living room is all dark wood, ceiling to floor, and you can just imagine John Kennedy sitting at the desk. It is stunning. This hotel is where the presidents have always stayed, and this grand old hotel is in full lockdown. All but two entrances are closed, the driveway through the hotel – shut, all the cars - moved out.

I feel strangely safe here in New York now – and the city still looks awesome from my windows, still sparkly, still beautiful, almost like – from this room-

The television news people are extraordinary – all of them. They are tired; you can see it in their changing faces, as the day has gone by. Of course, I feel like I know them all, like they are really dear friends, choking up and recovering, just like me, hour after hour…
You can’t go through something like this with a city. You become attached. You become “war buddies.”
It is just so deep.
It is 6:10.
It is sunrise

6:38 a.m.

It was a beautiful sunrise. It has turned the white curtains pink, the room pink- I swear.
The sun is one half inch over the city horizon, the sky is peacock blue, sky blue but the city is still glowing pink. If I had been sleeping since Monday and I looked out this window, I would think, “It just looks like a beautiful New York fall day, my favorite thing, let’s shop! It looks just like it did Tuesday morning when I went to bed, just before this all happened.
The view is so beautiful that looking up at it, almost makes you start to feel good, and forget, and then, honestly you feel guilty, and then you feel worse and sick to your stomach. If they can’t sleep, then I’m not going to sleep either… So today is both beautiful and frightening, looking out from 36 floors up, can I tell you how unimaginable it would be if I looked up and saw a big jet flying towards me, in this country?

I am overwhelmed with how extraordinary the firemen and the policemen are. They just don’t give up. They “don’t stop.” They are awesome…and so is Mayor Guiliani. I would ALWAYS want them on my team. They are my heroes.

Well, I think I have to sleep now. In an interview from the street, a man says in tears , “You do not want to see the things I’ve seen today…I am traumatized.” “I am traumatized for life…”

P.S.
The room is still glowing pink –
I swear…

Last Thought…September 14, 2001

Please everyone, do not blame people for this just because they are Muslim – or come from some other ethnic group. If you do, you let Osama Bin Laden win – as surely as if you helped him put those planes through those towers. You - become him. He wins.
Consider this carefully…

I just spent the last several hours copying my last journal pages for my website. I have never done this before; I guess it’s time…I decided this morning that we should go to Atlantic City now. My lungs were starting to feel some burning from the fiery air ~ and if I wanted to sing Saturday night, staying one more night might put that in jeopardy. So we packed up in an hour and a half and left New York. Since then, they have shut down the New York airports again. Also, they have found 2 more sets of terrorists. They think there were going to be two more planes taken down. They have the people in custody. They have picture identified 18 terrorists so far. Obviously the highest form of detective work is going on as we speak. My friend Liza Jane was right; this is just the beginning. This is World War 3.
             Chilling…

It just seems to get worse every day. Oh, by the way, we are right on the ocean and it’s raining~
      The sky is crying~
                 Stevie Nicks

September 18th, 2001
Tuesday Morning
Washington, D.C.
4:15 a.m.

We just came in from Columbus, OH. Today was a very bad day for me. It’s almost too much for me to bear out here… I called my Mom, and I called my friend, Don Henley for a pep talk. Don says, the Eagles are recording but it is very hard now. At first he said, “Just come home, honey”, but after a minute, he said, “Are people coming to the shows?” I said, “Yes.” The he said, “Well, Stevie, if you can gut it out, and make people happy for a minute, then try and stay out there.” I heard him….
When my Mom answered the phone, I burst into tears and said, “I don’t know if I can stay out here, I’m having a really hard time.” She said, “Stevie, I have had at least 10 phone calls from Atlantic City saying they loved it, and that you totally cheered them up!” “Honey, if you can finish this tour, think of how many hearts that you can lift up…That is what YOU can do for your country ~ This is your gift. So if you can possibly figure a way to get through this, then do it. I know you can do this. You are that strong.”
So we did the show tonight in Columbus, and it was good, love conquers all, people were happy –
        I just have to hang on…
        Thank you God, Mom & Don for getting me through this day ~

Written on the plane flying to Washington, D.C. from Columbus, Ohio and to Atlanta from Washington, D.C.
         ***

So with great courage
We
Get back on the plane
We strive to carry on
We break through the pain
The show must go on
We ~
Get back on the plane…

Back to Washington, D.C.
We are smiling
We are dealing with the pain
We’re not crying
The skies are beautiful, starry, and sad~
It seems they understand
They are glad we have come back
We get back –
    On the plane…

With full hearts
We ~
Get back on the plane
We are being escorted out of Washington
By an F-16
Nothing is the same
Everything has changed
We~
Get back on the plane

In deep reflection
We~
Get back on the plane
Each night with determination
We consider it again
To NOT go on
Would be a shame…
So we-
Get back on the plane.

        S.N.

September 20th, 2001
Thursday morning
3:25 a.m.
Atlanta, GA.

Well, obviously we did not go back to New York for the ‘Today Show’. They cancelled because they are going to do a town meeting. I understand…They wanted me to still come to read some of this journal on VH-1 ~ and do a telethon Friday night~ but we couldn’t have gotten the band and equipment to Atlanta (the next day) and as my mom said, the shows must go on, so we just came here from Washington, D.C.
The Washington, D.C. show was good. I met a little 9-year-old girl confined to a wheel chair – her name was ‘Gia’. What a little doll… She was so excited, she could hardly talk. I hugged her for a long time. I will never forget her as long as I live. Thank you Gia, for those hugs-
        I needed them-
          Love,
                 Stevie Nicks

P.S.
Thank you God, for Gia~

September 21st, 2001
Early in the morning
Atlanta, GA.

As I said last night, we didn’t go back to New York. I was very disappointed. I wanted to sing “Has Anyone Ever Written Anything For You?”, and “Landslide” for New York.
But there must be a reason, and as my terrific manager said, “You NEED to do these shows, it is making people so happy,” and I know that. But you almost feel like it’s not right to feel good, or to laugh, not even for me – on stage…
So everyday, I wake up in a mini panic attack, especially on show days. This starts about noon everyday and doesn’t go away until I am driving away from the show to the plane. That is the only time I can feel calm or safe. That is the time when I reaffirm my conviction to stay out here and finish this tour. That is when I gather my strength, up there in the air, flying through the night.
It’s then that I think I will not let this crazy, sad, nervousness beat me down and make me stop doing what I love. Performing for the people, being an entertainer. This has always been my first love.

Anyway, the shows have been good, and I do think I take the people away for a moment, I see them smile, I see them dance, I touch their hands, I look into their eyes, they are suffering, but for just a moment, we are free ~
And that childlike innocence~
        Is back…
             Thank you God,
                 For that…
                     Love,
                          Stevie Nicks

Thank you for reading these words. It seems to help me. I hope that it will help you.
                     I love you~
                           Stevie

Again, Thank you for reading my words~
It is my own personal therapy~
     I love you all…
        S.N.

9September 23, 2001
Nashville, TN
2:36 a.m.

We got here at midnight~ flying in from Atlanta, our old haunt. Lori is here…When she walked into the suite in Atlanta, we both burst into tears, standing in the entry way and just held each other for about 5 minutes…I don’t think we have EVER done that in the 22 years that we have known each other. Life and friends are just so precious now - She helps me so much…Our flight was under an hour tonight, back here to the rooms where the chorus to “Fall From Grace” was written. They have re-done the rooms~
               They are nice…

The show was hard for me tonight. The sadness does have a price. It takes away your energy, you feel weaker, it would be very easy to start to cry on stage…I didn’t, but I almost did.
This will all be over soon, and I will be back in my green ocean room where I am safe and warm. Maybe then I can try to make some sense of this. I hope we can go back to New York and make up our Radio City date and make it into a benefit – Maybe I’ll ask Mayor Rudy what exactly it should be for ~ or who needs it most ~ I need to do that for MY heart –
        I will make that happen…
                  Stevie

September 27, 2001
San Francisco
Thursday night
St. Francis Hotel
4:25 a.m.

Back on the west coast…The part of me that became a New Yorker on Sept. 11th, is having quite a difficult time becoming a California girl again – When there are not enough people to go to the firemen’s funeral’s. I see this on television, and I am haunted by the sound of the bagpipes ~ and I forget I’m not there- Now, when they find someone they just have a little service there, AT ground zero – and get back to work. No time to stop and mourn their loss- or celebrate their life- they just have to keep digging.
I went out today to get someone a birthday present – there is hardly anyone in the stores here in San Francisco, so far from New York, and yet so solemn…There is still a dead calm that you aren’t aware of, really, until you go out. Everyone is sad, the whole world is sad. It is like in “The Never Ending Story”, when the people run into the “NOTHING”, that is trying to take over the world – just a big dark empty space where ‘nothing’ is…
That is what will become of us if we don’t ‘get back on the horse’~
Or at least, ‘get back on the plane’~
         The airports are empty
         The stores are empty
         They say Las Vegas - is empty
              Dear God~
              Show us the way back~
                 Stevie Nicks

September 28, 2001
Mandarin Oriental Hotel
1:20 a.m.

I am watching a show on KQUED called ‘I am America’, about how frightening it is now, because the adrenaline part is calming down and we are learning every day – new insidious things that the bombing has caused. The incredible “special effects” of it all is turning into something much more ominous. I heard at dinner tonight that a friend of mine was asked to leave a plane after being seated and asked to show I.D. and other identification because he ‘looked foreign’…? This is someone who was in New York with me – and cried…many times. Of course, his feelings were really hurt – but he understood~ how sad is that~ a month ago, this could never have happened-
Everything will be different from now on and we are just going to have to be patient, understanding, - and live with it – The trust has been broken. I feel I have aged about 5 years since Sept. 11th. My skin feels different; My eyes look different to me
– My frown is more pronounced~

3:15 a.m.

I am looking out at Koit tower, the lighthouse in San Francisco bay, the Golden Gate Bridge…This beautiful, romantic city in the middle of the night-
I have to believe there is still hope. The lights just couldn’t be this brilliant if there were no hope left… I play tomorrow at Shoreline, San Jose, land of Bill Graham, big rock shows, Janis Joplin and Jimi Hendrix, all those great San Francisco bands that we opened for – the place where Buckingham/Nicks was born – leading us into that famous love affair that was to become Fleetwood Mac~ My first ‘love’ relationship – 5 years – (not Lindsey) this is where my musical life began – this is where I first lived on my own with my friend Robin (‘69/’70/’71) ~
So this is as close to going home as it gets – my dearest friends will be there ~
         San Francisco~
             Here I come…

         Thank you God ~
             For music
                And for
                Hope…

                Stevie Nicks